Toffee Apple Upside-Down Cake: a Simple but Effective Technique

Although November is technically winter here in Ireland, I understand that over the rest of the northern hemisphere it's usually considered the last month of autumn. Whenever we think of autumn, we always think of apples, and by extension, toffee apples. I've always had a fraught relationship with toffee apples: I love the idea, and they are wonderfully visually appealing, but never actually like eating a toffee apple. They're sticky, and inevitably the apple is powdery and manky.

As such, each year I try to make something toffee apple inspired that isn't a toffee apple. This year, I had a nice handful of Pink Ladies and Granny Smiths, and decided to do something nice and traditional, and kinda retro: an upside-down cake.

This is more of a technique than it is a recipe: all you need for this is toffee sauce, apples, and some sponge cake mixture. You can make your own, or use a boxed mix. It really doesn't matter

I used some toffee sauce, one red and one green apple, halved, cored, and cut into thin slices, and some Victoria sponge cake mixture made with 2 eggs and brown sugar instead of caster sugar. I poured the toffee sauce into the bottom of a greased 8 inch (20 centimetre) deep round tin, arranged the apple slices on the bottom to make a nice pattern, and then spooned the cake mixture in on top. I then cooked the entire confection for about 45 minutes in a preheated 180°C (350°F, Gas Mk.4) oven. I then allowed it to cool slightly before turning out onto a plate and serving warm with custard.

I hope you give this classic technique a try for a truly delicious autumnal treat!

Ice-Cream Month: Arctic Roll, a Retro Classic? (Wheat Free, with Dairy-Free Option)

For my final Ice-Cream Month offering, I present to you my finest frozen achievement: Arctic Roll!

I will admit I've been dying to share this one with you, because it was a big challenge. I've been waiting for the moment the calendar turned up the July 26th so I could make this for my companion's birthday and show it off on my blog.

My companion says he remembers eating this as a boy and how much he enjoyed it, so I said I'd make him one for his birthday at his request. This birthday was full of DIY projects: I made him a die earring (which he's wearing), some cherry schnapps (which I'll probably make again at some point, and then blog about it), and this cake.

Happy birthday, my lovely!

I decided I'd research this one quite heavily: I watched a lot of videos, and read a lot of recipes online. I decided to turn to a trusted resource: I watched a Jamie Oliver video on YouTube, and the woman who is demonstrating makes it look fussy as Hell. In the video, she spreads the ice-cream directly onto the cake like you would do with whipped cream and makes a valiant attempt to wrap it up. It's a mess, and I thought I could do that better!

Spoiler alert: I couldn't. My advice: do a  Rich Harris and ROLL THE ICE-CREAM INTO A LOG FIRST (but ignore the rest of the video: he makes it look far more difficult than it actually is). Don't be a hero and try and roll it up like you would do with whipped cream in a rolled cake; it's possible but it's messy.

So the roll you see pictured here has had a few issues: it froze as an oval from the ice-cream being too soft, the jam mixed into the ice-cream a bit, and to add insult to injury I froze it upside down so the seam was on top.

However, the family enjoyed it, and my companion loved it: they didn't seem to think there was a single thing wrong with it. Maybe I'm just my own harshest critic! But, even though mine turned out very nicely despite the faffing around, I've written the below recipe instructions to include the proper and less messy way to do it.

 So, here's what you'll need to make it.

INGREDIMENTS
For one cake that serves about 10 people

• 3 eggs, separated
• 3 ounces (85 grammes) caster sugar
• 3 tablespoons (45 millilitres) sunflower oil
• 3 tablespoons (45 millilitres) whole milk, or milk alternative
• 3 ounces (85 grammes) white spelt flour, or gluten free flour mix
• 3 to 4 tablespoons (45 to 60 millilitres) seedless raspberry jam
• 2 pints (1·140 litres) good quality vanilla ice-cream, preferably one with visible vanilla seeds, or dairy-free ice-cream
• Icing sugar, for dusting

METHOD

• Take the ice-cream and let them sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes. You'll need to shape the ice-cream into a log before you wrap it. Don't make the same mistake I did and try and roll the swiss roll with soft ice-cream in it: it won't work.
• Take a big piece of non-stick paper and mark out the short width of the cake tin you'll be using for the swiss roll cake: this will be the length of your ice-cream log. I used a  9x13 inch (22x33 centimetre) rectangular tin, which would have made my ice-cream log about 9 inches (22 centimetres) long. Turn it upside down so the pen is on the outside.
• Place the ice cream in a pile at one end, then roll it up in the paper, leaving a little for holding onto while shaping. Use the paper to squish the ice-cream into a log shape as wide as your guidlines, making sure it's the same thickness all the way through the log. If the ice-cream is getting too soft, just pop it into the freezer for 10 minutes, then continue working on it.
• Roll the ice-cream log up completely in the paper, then twist the ends. Wrap in cling film, and place in the freezer to freeze solid, about an hour.
• Line the bottom of the cake tin you're using with non-stick baking paper. Preheat oven to 180°C (350°F, Gas Mk.4), with the rack in the centre.
• Prepare the cake to these instructions, using the ingredients listed above. Bake for 17 or 18 minutes, until golden on the surface and springy to the touch. Any longer, and the cake will be too dry to roll; any less, and it will squish when you roll it.
• Using another piece of non-stick paper. Trim and roll up in the paper as directed and allow to cool completely. Carefully unwrap and spread the surface with the jam.
• Take the ice-cream log out of the freezer and let it sit for about 5 minutes to soften ever so slighyly. Place the ice-cream log at one end of the cake, and roll up. Twist the ends of the paper like a sweet wrapper; discard the paper used to roll the log.
• Freeze for a full hour at least before serving (make sure you freeze it seam side down, like I didn't), then allow to sit at room temperature for about 5 minutes before cutting and serving. The cake insulates the ice-cream, so it won't melt as quickly.

THIS DAY IN 2015: Danish Pastries: Dinosaur Paws (Wheat Free with Dairy Free Option)

THIS DAY IN 2014: Mini Chocolate "Melkterts" (Wheat Free)

There were no blogs on this day in 2013 nor 2016.

Banoffee Pie (Wheat Free)

There are a few things in this life that are as good as a classic dessert, like this one: banoffee pie!

Banoffee Pie (originally spelled 'banoffi') was invented by Nigel Mackenzie and Ian Dowding in the early 70s in their resaturant The Hungry Monk, East Sussex, England. Originally it was made with a pastry shell, but over the years a cheesecake style biscuit base has become more popular.

I have never actually, despite it being a classic, made a banoffee pie. I've always though of using it as an element of a dessert mashup, like a banoffee cheesecake or banoffee millionaire's shortbread, but have never got around to making an actual straight-up pie. I was asked to make one for my companion's sister's birthday, and it served as a great excuse to give it a go.

The first one I made was an alright first attempt, but the biscuit base was too thin, and the toffee too chewy; also, the bananas sweated under the warm toffee (I had put them on the bottom) and make the dessert awfully runny. It tasted okay, but the presentation lost it a good few marks in my eyes.

I thought I'd make another one, because Pentecost Sunday was just around the corner, and it is also one of my eldest brother's favourite desserts. Take two was infinitely more successful, with creamier toffee and a thicker biscuit.

I used bought biscuits (a mixture of digestives and gingernuts), and you could too, but if you can't get wheat free biscuits, this recipe includes a recipe for making biscuits from scratch for the base.

FREE FROM

☑ Soya (check for soya lecithin)
☑ Yeast
☑ Wheat
☑ Nuts
☑ Eggs

CONTAINS
☒ Dairy
☒ Gluten
☒ Refined sugar products

INGREDIMENTS:
Makes one 8 inch (20 centimetre) round pie:

For the base:

• 3½ ounces (100 grammes) light brown sugar
• 3½ ounces (100 grammes) butter, at room temperature
• 5 ounces (140 grammes) 
• 2 ounces (55 grammes) rolled oats
• 1 teaspoon (5 millilitres) ground ginger
• ½ teaspoon (3 millilitres) ground cinnamon

Alternatively, you could use 14 ounces (400 grammes) of shop bought biscuits: digestives and gingernuts work best

• 5½ ounces (150 grammes) butter, at room temperature, to mix with the crushed biscuits

For the toffee layer:

• 7 ounces (200 grammes) evaporated milk
• 7 ounces (200 grammes) soft light brown sugar
• 2½ ounces (60 grammes) butter
• 1 teaspoon (5 millilitres) vanilla essence
• Pinch of salt

For the topping:

• 4 small bananas, not too ripe but not green
• 6 fluid ounces (180 millilitres) whipping cream
• Optional: 1 teaspoon (5 millilitres) vanilla essence
• Optional: 1 tablespoon (15 millilitres) icing sugar
• Cocoa powder, grated or shaved chocolate, for decoration

METHOD

First, prepare the biscuit crumbs for the base,

• If you have a blender, pulse the oats and flour together until it has become evenly blended. If you don't, this part isn't necessary.
• In a mixing bowl, mix all the ingredients together with your hands, rubbing the butter into the dry ingredients, until you have a crumbly mixture. Spread the crumbles and clusters onto a dry baking tray and cook for 15 to 20 minutes, tossing the mixture three times throughout baking.
• Once cooked, allow to cool on the tray completely. 

Then, prepare the biscuit base,

• Put into a plastic bag and smash into crumbs, as you would with normal biscuits. You could also put the crumbs into a blender to make very fine crumbs for the base.
• Put the crumbs into a bowl and add the room temperature butter. Mash the butter into the crumbs by hand. I prefer doing it this way instead of using melted butter because the resulting mixture is more mouldable, like play dough.
• Press the mixture into the bottom and sides of a round sandwich tin, lined with clingfilm. Chill for about 30 minutes.

While the biscuit base is chilling, prepare the toffee,

• Mix all the ingredients, except for the vanilla essence, in a medium saucepan. Cook gently over a low heat until the butter and sugar have melted together fully, then bring to the boil. Boil gently for about 5 minutes, until the mixture thickens into a creamy saucy consistency, and darkens slightly.
• Allow to cool in the pan to room temperature, stirring occasionally to prevent a skin forming.

Now, assemble the masterpiece!

• Pour the toffee into the biscuit shell, and spread out evenly with a spatula or the back of a spoon.
• Thinly slice the bananas into discs and place them on top of the toffee to fill the rest of biscuit base. Cut and layer one banana at a time, because you may not need all four.
• Whip the cream (with the icing sugar and vanilla essence, if using) to soft peaks and spread on top the bananas, swirling in a decorative way. Alternately, you can put the cream into a piping bag and pipe it on top of the pie to decorate.
• Decorate with a dusting of cocoa, or chocolate, either by grating or shaving curls onto the cream.
  
  
  

THIS TIME IN 2014: No blog due to family difficulties

THIS TIME IN 2013: Orange Bourbon Creams (Wheat Free)

Salted Caramel Shortbread (Wheat Free)

So, today I decided to try out a classic: Millionaire's Shortbread! I don't usually go in for making plain and simple classics, but this week I got a serious hankering for some delicious caramel shortbread.

Recently I've been making a lot of condensed milk (using a new technique which I will share at a later date) and using it to make hot chocolate on these cold winter nights, and as such I used it to make some lovely buttery caramel for my shortbread. To shake it up a little, though, I sprinkled some coarse sea-salt on the top of the chocolate.

I made a small batch using a loaf tin, which is the recipe I will share with you.

INGREDIMENTS
Makes 1 4x7 inch (10x18 centimeter) rectangle, which cuts into roughly 18 pieces

• 3 ounces (85 grammes) spelt flour

• 1 ounces (30 grammes) cornflour or rice flour

• 2 ounces (55 grammes) butter, at room temperature

• 1 ounces (30 grammes) icing sugar

For the caramel topping

• 1½ ounces (40 grammes) caster sugar

• 1½ ounces (40 grammes) butter

• 3 ounces (85 millilitres) condensed milk

• Pinch of salt

For chocolate topping

• One 3½ ounce bar (100 grammes) dark or milk chocolate

• 2 tablespoons (30 millilitres) sunflower oil

• Coarse sea salt

HOW-TO

• Preheat your oven to 160°C (320°F, Gas Mk.2½, or very moderate) and line the sides of a loaf tin.

• In a mixing bowl, beat the living daylights out of the butter until soft and creamy. Use a wooden spoon: it needs more elbow grease, but you have much more control over how soft you make your butter.

• Pour in the icing sugar, and cream until light and fluffy. Sieve in the flours and salt and mix until the flour is combined. It will look crumbly, but this is exactly how you want it.

• Press the dough evenly into the sandwich tin, smoothing the top with a spoon, and prick all over with a fork or skewer, and bake in the oven for 20 to 25 minutes, until set but still soft.

• On removing from the oven, put on a wire rack and allow to cool in the tin completely.

Now, make the caramel:

• In a small saucepan, melt the sugar and butter gently together over low heat. Once the sugar has dissolved, add in the condensed milk and salt.
• Once fully melted and combined, bring to a rapid boil and cook for about 2 or 3 minutes until thickened.

• Pour in on top of the shortbread. Allow to cool to room temperature before setting for about 30 minutes to an hour or until cool to touch.

Finish off with chocolate glaze:

• Once set, prepare the chocolate glaze. Melt the chocolate and oil together either in the microwave on "Defrost", or in a bowl over simmering water.

• Pour the chocolate over the top of the caramel, and allow to cool to room temperature before allowing to set in the fridge for at least 4 hours.
• When fully set, remove from the tin and cut into square, chocolate side down, with a sharp knife.

And there you are! Delicious caramel shortbread. The caramel is soft and chewy, and the coarse salt gives little savoury bursts among the sweetness.

Coffee and Walnut Gâteau (Wheat Free)

It was my brother's birthday last week, and as such it was time for a much requested favourite of his: Coffee and Walnut Gateau!

This is one of those old stalwarts of the home cooking repertoire: the coffee and walnut gateau! Technically this is not a gateau, as gateaux are cakes that use fresh cream, chocolate and fruits for filling and decoration, but this has always been known as a coffee and walnut gateau. The corner shop next to my estate, which sadly closed down after nearly 40 years of business last week, made an absolutely delicious rendition of this classic.

There's a lot of making in this cake, but trust me: it's totally worth the whole few hours/overnight wait!

FREE FROM
☑ Soya (check for soya lecithin)
☑ Yeast
☑ Wheat

CONTAINS
☒ Gluten
☒ Dairy (use ingredients in italics for a dairy-free version)
☒ Eggs
☒ Refined sugar products

INGREDIMENTS:

For two 8 or 9  inch (20 or 23 centimeter) round sandwich cakes

• 7 ounces (200 grammes) spelt flour
• 3 ounces (85 grammes) cornflour
• 1 tablespoon (15 millilitres) ground coffee
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 5 medium eggs, at room temperature
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) soft brown sugar
• 5 ounces (140 grammes) caster sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) sunflower oil
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) butter or block margarine
• 5 to 7 tablespoons (75 to 105 millilitres) warm coffee

For filling, crumb coat and icing:

• 6 ounces (170 grammes) butter or block margarine, softened to room temperature
• 1 pound (450 grammes) icing sugar, sieved
• 2 teaspoons (10 millilitres) instant espresso powder
• 2 tablespoons milk or water, or more if needed
• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence

For chocolate and walnut decoration:

• 3 ounces (85 grammes) white chocolate
• 1 ounce (30 grammes) milk or dark chocolate
• 1 fluid ounce (30 millilitres) sunflower oil
• 4 ounces (115 grammes) finely chopped walnuts
• 20 whole walnut halves

HOW-TO:

First, prepare the cakes:

• Preheat your oven to 180°C (350°F, Gas Mk.4, or moderate).
• Prepare the cake mixture as per the basic sponge recipe, and pour into two greased and floured 9 inch (23 centimeter) cake tins. Cook for 20 to 25 minutes until ready. Allow to cool completely in tins.
• Once cold, cut each cake in half horizontally, and cut the domes off both cakes. Decide how you will assemble the layers, making sure the bottom layer of one cake, bottom side up, is on the top of the pile.

Then, fill and crumb coat the cake:

• Cut a circle of card that's the same size as the bottom of the cake.
• Make the coffee buttercream icing following this recipe 
• Smear a little buttercream on the card circle and stick the bottom layer of cake to it.
• Spread the bottom and middle two layers with half of the filling. Assemble the layers and chill for about half an hour.
• Once chilled, use some of the remaining half of the icing to spread the top and sides with a thin layer of icing to lock in the crumbs. Chill for at least an hour. Use the last of the icing to ice the sides of the cake and make a little dam around the edge of the cake's top; leave a little for attaching the walnuts later.
• Press the chopped nuts into the sides of the cake.

Next, prepare the chocolate glaze:

• In a microwave suitable bowl, heat the white chocolate and 4½ teaspoons (22 millilitres) of the oil in 30 seconds bursts until melted and smooth
• Heat the milk chocolate and remaining 1½ teaspoons (8 millilitres) sunflower oil the same way until smooth.
• Pour the white chocolate glaze atop the cake and spread it out to the dam, making sure it doesn't spill over the edges of the cake.
• Make lines of milk chocolate glaze on top of the white chocolate and marble with a cocktail stick as in the picture.
• Leave to set in the fridge for about 2 hours.

Assemble the masterpiece:

• Once the chocolate marble glaze has set, spread a little buttercream on the underside of each walnut half and arrange them in a ring around the top of the cake.

I'm quite proud of this cake and how it turned out! Especially the marbling: I used a double feathering technique that makes it look swirly...

Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Icing (Wheat Free)

Whether you love it or hate it, it must be said that carrot cake is one of the most ubiquitous cakes of all time; a quintessential recipe for any home baker. The idea of grating a root vegetable into a cake may seem unthinkable to some people, but it's something that just has to be resigned to and accepted for what it is. The usual placation of 'But you can't taste the carrot!' never works: it has to be fed to skeptics under the guise of something less offense.

But, more about the recipe itself! Carrot cake is kept wonderfully moist by the addition of oil and carrots, which are full of juices, and as such lends itself very well to a wheat-free rendition, as the gluten is not relied on to maintain the texture. Also, the concoction of spices can be tailored to suit any taste, or even a spoon of a shop-bought spice mixture can be used for those who don't feel confident in mixing spices; I personally like cinnamon, coriander and cloves (3 Cs)

I understand the ingredient list is very intimidating, but it's mostly spices and extras.

INGREDIMENTS
For two 9 inch (23 centimeter) round sandwich cakes

• 6 ounces (170 grammes) spelt flour
• 3 ounces (85 grammes) cornflour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• ½ teaspoon ground coriander
• ¼ teaspoon ground cloves
• Pinch of salt
• 5 medium eggs, at room temperature
• 7 ounces (200 grammes) soft brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence 
• 5 ounces (140 grammes) sunflower oil
• 6 ounces (170 grammes) carrot, grated
• Optional: 3 ounces (85 grammes) dessicated coconut
• Optional: 3 ounces (85 grammes) chopped brazil nuts, walnuts or pecan nuts
• Optional: 3 ounces (85 grammes) raisins or sultanas

For cream cheese icing

• 2 ounces (55 grammes) butter, at room temperature
• 3 ounces (85 grammes) cream cheese, from the fridge
• 8 ounces (225 grammes) icing sugar
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• 2 teaspoons grated lemon zest
• Optional: 8 whole walnuts or pecan nuts

HOW-TO

• Preheat the oven to 180°C (350°F, Gas Mk.4, or moderate). If I turn my oven on directly before preparing the cake mixture, it's usually preheated by the time the mixture is ready.
• Prepare your tin for baking by greasing it on all sides then dusting with flour. Alternatively, you can line the tin with non-stick baking paper, or waxed paper. Here in Ireland, we have this marvelous sillicone-greased paper, and it works a treat.
• Sieve the spelt flour, cornflour, spices and baking powder (and salt, if using) into a bowl and set aside.
• In a large mixing bowl, whisk the eggs and sugar together with an electric hand mixer for about 4 or 5 minutes. It's ready when it is doubled in size, pale in colour, and leaves ribbon trails on itself when the beaters are lifted. If you don't have an electric hand mixer, you can use a balloon whisk, just set the bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. Gently heating the egg mixture speeds up the process, and this means you won't snap off your arm by whisking for hours.
• While still whisking, gradually pour in the sunflower oil until fully mixed in.
• Add in the desiccated coconut (if using) and sieve in half of the flour mixture and fold in using a spatula, balloon whisk, or metal spoon. 
• Add all the grated carrot, and then fold gently. Sieve in the second half of the flour, and fold until just mixed. If you're adding nuts and fruit, gently fold them in here.
• Pour the cake mixture into the prepared tin, and bake in the oven for about 20 to 25 minutes. Don't be tempted to open the door until after three-quarters of the cooking time has elapsed: the cake will sink.
• When the cake is baked, let it cool completely in the tin then turn out onto a wire rack.

For the cream cheese icing:

• In a bowl, beat the soft butter with a wooden spoon. You need to use a wooden spoon until the final beating, because cream cheese easily becomes runny on contact with sugar if mixed too much.
• Beat in a third of the sugar and mix until fully incorporated.
• Add in the cream cheese and zest and fold through gently. Add in the remaining icing sugar and lemon juice and mix until smooth, then beat very briefly to make it a little creamier.

Assemble the masterpiece:

• Put the bottom cake on a serving plate and cut off the dome. Save the dome for midnight snacking.
• Spread with half the icing, then put the second cake on top. Ice with the remaining icing, then streak or swirl on the top for prettiness. Decorate with nuts, if using.

Black Forest Gâteau: a Retro Classic? (Wheat Free)

I was researching the old Black Forest Gateau recently as a friend of mine - who was celebrating her birthday yesterday - told me it was her favourite cake. Chocolate, cherries and cream: what's not to like? I always thought it was more finicky and complex than chocolate cake, cherry jam and sweetened cream, but I was wrong, it seems. But in my research I came across loads of recipes that quoted the Black Forest Gateau as a 'retro classic', which I thought was odd. Surely, people still eat Black Forest Gateau, it's not like a by-gone thing: my corner shop's bakery makes a mean Black Forest Gateau, and has several on display every day; in fact most bakeries do. Am I missing something?

Anyway! I decided to bundle together the ingredients needed for the cake, but it turns out that Lidl, who used to sell cherry jam, has realised people don't like it and has stopped selling it. If a shop near you sells cherry jam, by all means use it instead of the cherry filling I've devised.

INGREDIMENTS:

For cherry filling:

• 2 x 15 ounce (425 gramme) cans of black cherries in light syrup (or Morello cherries, if you can get them)
• 2 teaspoons cornflour
• 1 tablespoon caster sugar
• Optional: 1 tablespoon lemon juice

For two 9 inch (23 centimeter) round sandwich cakes

• 5 ounces (140 grammes) spelt flour
• 3 ounces (85 grammes) cornflour
• 2 ounces (55 grammes) cocoa powder
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 5 medium eggs, at room temperature
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) soft brown sugar
• 5 ounces (140 grammes) caster sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) sunflower oil
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) butter or block margarine

For cream icing/filling:

• 15½ fluid ounces (445 milliliters) whipping cream
• 4 ounces (115 grammes) soft cream cheese
• 3 tablespoons icing sugar
• Optional: 1 teaspoon vanilla essence

For ganache topping:

• 2 fluid ounces (55 milliliters) whipping cream
• 2½ ounces (70 grammes) dark chocolate

For assembly (optional):

• 1 tablespoon kirsch
• 1 teaspoon cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon icing sugar

HOW-TO:

First, prepare the cherry filling (it's best to do this the day before):

• In a saucepan, empty one of the cans of cherries. Bring to the boil, then allow to cook for 10 minutes. If you could only find black cherries, but like the tartness of Morello cherries, add the lemon juice here. If you like the syrupy sweetness of black cherries, leave it out.
• Using a potato masher or fork, gently squish the cherries. You want this to be like jam, so make sure it still has a little texture.
• Take about 1 tablespoon of the cooking liquid and put into a glass. Add the cornflour and sugar and mix into a paste.
• Add the cornflour and sugar mixture back into the saucepan and cook the jam until thickened, about 2 or 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and pour into a bowl; allow to cool.
• Once cooled cover with cling film, making sure the cling film touches the surface of the jam, and put in the fridge until set for at least 4 hours, or overnight.

Second, prepare the cakes:

• Preheat your oven to 180°C (350°F, Gas Mk.4, or moderate).
• Prepare the cake mixture as per the basic sponge recipe, and pour into two greased and floured 9 inch (23 centimeter) cake tins. Cook for 20 to 25 minutes until ready. Allow to cool complete in tins.
• Once cold, cut each cake in half horizontally, and cut the dome off one of them. Decide how you will assemble the layers, making sure the top-with-the-dome-left-on is always the top layer.

Then, prepare the cream icing/filling:

• A note on whipping the cream: to make sure the cream whips nicely and doesn't split, put the mixing bowl, preferably made of glass, and whatever you will be beating the cream with - whether it be a balloon whisk or the beaters of an electric hand mixer - into the fridge for 1 hour or the freezer for 15 minutes.
• Put the whipping cream, cream cheese, icing sugar and vanilla essence into the chilled bowl and whisk together until the mixture holds stiff peaks. This is the ideal spreading consistency.
• Put one third of this mixture into a bowl and set aside for decorating.

Next, prepare the ganache:

• In a bowl over a saucepan of simmering water, combine the chocolate (broken up, of course) and the cream. Whisk together until smooth and shiny, then allow to cool to spreading consistency while you assemble the cake.

Assemble the masterpiece:

• Take the cake layers: put the bottom one on the plate you intend to serve the gateau on, set aside the top one for later, and put the middle two on their own plates. This makes the assembling easier, as each piece will be filled and iced individually.
• Take the remaining can of cherries and drain the liquid into a bowl, keeping the cherries in the sieve to drain fully. Take half of the cherries (keeping the rest for another time) and cut each of them in half, bar 12 for decoration.
• Take 9 tablespoons cherry liquid (reserving the rest for another time). If you want, you can mix the kirsch with the cherry liquid, but I don't take alcohol so I leave it out. Sprinkle the liquid evenly across the three cake layers and watch the sponge drink it right up.
• Divide the cherry jam across the three cake pieces and spread in an even thin layer.
• Divide the remaining two-thirds of cream mixture across each cake, spreading around to about an inch (2 centimeters) away from the edge of each cake. This stops the filling squidging out the sides when you put all the layers together.
• Divide the sliced cherries across the three cakes and sprinkle them over the cream.
• Now, here's where you need to take care. Take the two middle cakes cakes and stack them on the bottom cake on the serving platter. Take the topmost layer, which you set aside, and put it on top of all the cakes. Gently press down to cement all the layers together, put not so hard as to squeeze all the filling out of the sides. And there, pretty much, is your Black Forest Gateau, the next steps are for frills.

Decorate the masterpiece:

• Spread the cooled ganache over the top of the cake with a palette knife. You can make swirls if you want, but I like to make streaks.
• Take the cream you set aside and put into a large piping bag fitted with a large closed-star nozzle. Pipe rosettes along the top of the cake, between the layers, and where the cake meets the serving platter, as shown in the photo. Or, you could decorate it whatever which way you want.
• Use the cherries you kept earlier and put between the rosettes. For that extra element of kitch, you could use red glacé cherries instead of the canned black cherries for this bit.
• Dust the sides with cocoa powder, and the top with icing sugar.

And there she is, in all her glory. Of course, you can choose to decorate it however you like, and you may elect to use just plain whipped cream, without the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla, and you could use shop-bought cherry jam if you can get your hands on it. This is just how I've made it, and dayum... it tastes delicious!

This is an awful lot of effort, in fairness, but it really pays off in the end because it looks and tastes amazing! I don't have any photos of the inside because a) I'm not the best at slicing cakes, and b) I didn't bring a camera to the birthday party, like a big silly. Next time!